Blast from the Past
by Philosopher Fictionist
Summary: Yet another Nick fic. I promise I'm not abandoning the other... just taking a breather. VERY STRONG R for later. R+R
1. Chapter 1

Blast From the Past, Chapter 1

            Ashley took a deep breath as she stepped off the plane and into the airport, her eyes darting around, searching. They met with a pair of brown, and she smiled brightly.

            "Meg, hey," she said, reaching out to hug a blond woman.

            "How was your flight?" Meg asked. "They feed you well?" Ashley snickered, shifting the bag slung across her shoulder.

            "They fed me, but I'm not sure about well," she laughed. Meg smiled and took the bag from her. "The apartment come through?"

            "I haven't heard anything," Meg said slowly. Ashley's face fell.

            "Megan, I thought you said it was a done deal. All I had to do was pick up the keys."

            "I don't know what's wrong," Megan insisted. "The apartment manager chick said everything was fine, and all you'd have to do is pick up the key. She was supposed to call me yesterday to confirm everything, but she never did." Ashley shook her head. "She probably just forgot. Don't worry about it. We've got an extra room at the house, so you can stay as long as you need to." Ashley smiled and nodded.

            "You sure Jimmy won't mind?" Megan gave her a look.

            "Ashley, you are my best friend in the whole world. Jimmy finally talked me into talking you into moving out here and you're worried about him minding that you're staying with us? C'mon, Ash. You know better. We're both glad you're here," she insisted. Ashley just nodded, following Megan out into the parking garage.

***

            "Nick?" Nick looked up and nodded at Greg, who waggled a piece of paper at him. "I got the results back."

            "Great. Let me see," Nick said, reaching out.

            "I can tell you you're not going to be happy," Greg said slowly. Nick's eyebrow rose.

"You're not serious." Greg shook his head. "They didn't match?"

"Sorry, buddy. The machine never lies." Nick took the paper from him and nodded with a heavy sigh.

"I guess it's back to the crime scene, then," Nick said, rather forlornly. Greg just nodded and tapped on the doorframe before leaving the room. Nick swore under his breath.

"Don't tell me." His head snapped up, and he sighed, nodding at Warrick. "Not a match?"

"Nope. We gotta go back there." Warrick shook his head and reached into his pocket.

"I'll drive," he offered. Nick nodded and stood, following him out to the Tahoe.

***

Jimmy opened the door and walked out to greet Megan and Ashley, who had just pulled into the driveway. A bright smile slid across his face as Ashley stepped out of the Jeep and walked toward him, the sun catching the red highlights of her shoulder-length hair. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a squeeze.

"Been a long time, Jimmy. How are you?" she asked, pulling away to wrap an arm around Meg's shoulders.

"I'm great. We've got a lot of catching up to do," he answered. Megan smiled and nodded. "C'mon in. I'll get your stuff out of the car." Ashley smiled her thanks and followed Megan into the house. They sat down on the couch.

"I'm really glad you came, Ash," Meg said, her lip quivering slightly. Ashley's brow furrowed.

"Meg, honey, what's wrong?" Megan shook her head.

"Nothing. It's just – " She stopped and took a breath. "Since we lost the baby it's been really hard, you know?" Ashley nodded and reached over to take Megan's hand into her own. "I guess we're just really glad to have a friendly face around. Things have gotten rough between us, and it's nice to have a connection to the past, when everything was easier."

"It's normal, Megan. Don't worry. Everything will work out. Just give things time." Meg nodded. "But for now, let's just forget about all of that and spend a few days just relaxing and catching up." Megan smiled. Jimmy entered the living room and sat in a chair across from Megan and winked at her.

"Ashley, have you talked to Nick lately?" Megan's eyes snapped back to Ashley, who had a shocked look on her face. She regained her composure quickly and cleared her throat.

"Actually, no." Her eyes focused on her hands in her lap, and she shook her head slowly. "I haven't talked to him since he left Texas. He never called and I could never track him down."

"Well, he lives here in Vegas," Jimmy said. Megan sent him a look, silently telling him to shut up, but he didn't listen. "I've met him for lunch a couple of times. I could probably track him down for you."

"No, it's fine Jimmy. I don't want to bother him," Ashley said hurriedly. She pointed toward her luggage sitting in the hallway. I'm gonna go unpack. I'll be right back." Megan watched her leave and turned to Jimmy, an incredulous look on her face.

"I can't believe you," she said quietly. "You know she's not over that yet."

            "Megan, they broke up more than ten years ago. She either needs to move on or face him again," he said calmly.

            "She'll do that when she's ready, Jimmy. Don't push her. She's not in an easy position." Jimmy just shrugged, so Megan stood and went down the hall to the spare bedroom. "Ash?" she asked, standing in the doorway. "You okay?"

            "Fine," came the weak reply. Ashley was busying herself with putting her clothes away, her back to the doorway in which Megan was standing. Megan was being completely ignored, and she knew it. "Really, Meg, don't worry about me."

            "Jimmy's just a little dense." She laughed slightly. "Still." Ashley smiled. "Don't let him get to you. Vegas is a big city. You'll probably never see him." Ashley sighed and turned, a pained expression on her face. She sighed heavily and plopped onto the bed.

            "That's exactly why you had such a hard time convincing me to move out here," she said sadly. "I mean, he always talked about how much he wanted to move here. I just knew he came here when he left. And then y'all moved out here, and…" She trailed off, shaking her head. "I knew it'd come up eventually. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to face him."

            "You know, Ash," Meg started slowly, trying not to sound as pushy as Jimmy had, "it's been ten years." Ashley nodded. "I know how much you loved him, but it's time to move on. You can't shelter yourself from people for the rest of your life."

            "That's the thing," Ashley said. "I can, and I have. Guess I figured if I didn't let anyone it, I'd never get hurt again."

***

            Nick sighed as he plopped on the couch, his tense muscles immediately starting to loosen up the second he hit the leather. He smirked to himself – not really sure why – and turned on the television, flipping through the channels until he found the A&M game. After a few beers, he'd be ready to hit the sack. His mood darkened at the ringing of the telephone, and he swore as he stood to answer it.

            "Just when I was getting comfortable," he grumbled, nearly knocking the base off the table as he ripped the handset away. "'Lo?"

            "Nick, it's Jimmy," he heard. He instantly kicked himself for his ranting moments before.

            "Hey Jimmy, what's up?"

            "Not much. You busy?" He pondered that for a moment.

            "Not really. The game's on, but I was taping it anyway. I missed the first half being at work."

            "Don't you hate it when work interferes with football?" Jimmy laughed. Nick smiled and agreed. "Look, I've got some news."

            "Meg's pregnant again?" Nick guessed.

            "Uh, no." An awkward silence ensued. "It's kinda something you should probably hear in person." Nick's eyebrow rose, his stomach dropping. "I want to watch your reaction."

            "That doesn't sound good," Nick observed.

            "I'm actually not sure if it's good or not. That's why I want to tell you in person." Nick sighed and glanced at the clock. Two in the morning. Shit.

            "Uh, how 'bout L.J.'s?"

            "Ten minutes?" Jimmy asked.

            "About. Gimme some padding," Nick said. As he pulled his shoes back on, he noticed the nervousness growing. _Calm down, Nick,_ he chided himself. _There's a 50/50 chance it's a good thing._ He paused and stared into space. _And a 50/50 chance it's a bad thing, but hey, all good things require risks, right?_ He shook his head and snatched his keys before heading out to his truck.

***

            Nick waltzed into the sports bar and nodded to the bartender, whom he'd gotten to know pretty well since Jimmy and Megan blew into town. That'd been a huge surprise. He'd left Texas to get away from familiar faces that knew his past. They were probably the last people on earth he'd wanted to see, but things worked out eventually. There had been some tense moments the first few times they got together, mostly because of Nick's reservations, but he'd gotten over that and they were close friends again. He smiled at Jimmy, sitting at the usual table in the corner, right in the line of sight of a 50-something inch screen, which had been probably changed to the A&M game within the last five minutes.

            "What's up, man?" Nick asked, swallowing down the tension. Jimmy stood and they shook hands, as usual.

            "Sit down," Jimmy said slowly. Nick's eyebrow rose.

            "Shit, Jimmy. You're scarin' me here," Nick teased. Jimmy just smiled slightly, which didn't appease Nick in the least.

            "Well, I'll buy you a beer, then," Jimmy offered. Naturally, Nick took him up on that offer, and they were silent until after the waitress had left the table.

            "So what's so important I had to drag my ass all the way out here to meet you at two-thirty in the morning?" Nick asked impatiently. Jimmy just stared into the foam topping his brew for a moment. "You know, you're not making me feel any better about this news by putting off telling me, so just fuckin' get it over with already," Nick said, a little agitated.

            "Ashley's in town." Nick just stared at him, mouth hanging open. He blinked several times, and then coughed, trying to find his voice. His eyes focused on a scratch in the wood on the tabletop.

            "On vacation?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jimmy shake his head, and Jimmy would have sworn Nick shrunk three inches. "Everything okay?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "I mean, is everything okay? With you and Megan. The only reason I can think of her moving out here is something happened with you and Megan and she thinks she needs to save the fuckin' world or something." It was out before Nick could stop it, and he shrunk another inch or so from the guilt. Jimmy sighed. He definitely hadn't gotten over it yet, either.

            "Megan missed her, she missed Megan, Megan and I can't go back, so she came out here." Nick nodded, playing in the condensation on his beer glass. "It has nothing to do with you, Nick."

            "I didn't say it did." Jimmy sighed.

            "It's a big city, Nick. You probably won't run into her." Nick just nodded absent-mindedly. "I mean, she's staying with us until her apartment comes through, but it shouldn't take too long." Another absent-minded nod. "Nick?" Nick glanced up, then looked back down at his beer. He was afraid to drink it now. His nerves would probably just bring it back up.

            "How is she?" Jimmy smiled.

            "Successful. Happy, I guess."

            "You guess?" Nick looked up at him again, a slight smirk sliding across his lips. Jimmy just grinned.

            "You know I'm not observant like that, Nick. Shut up." They both laughed a little before settling into another period of unsettled silence.

            "How does she look?" Nick's voice was timid, almost scared.

            "Hotter than ever." Jimmy saw Nick smile and nod slightly. He cleared his throat. "I mean, you know, Meg and I have had our problems recently, and we both thought it would be a good idea to have a friendly distraction. Cool off a little, you know?" Nick nodded slightly. Yeah, he knew all about their problems since the baby. Understandable, to an extent. Jimmy had always had a hot temper, and Meg had always been stubborn. That was a dangerous combination when you added extreme amounts of stress to the equation. Jimmy had slept on Nick's couch countless times since then to avoid problems. And Nick had been more than willing to let him crash there whenever he needed to. Despite the problems in the past, the three had become closer than ever in the most recent months.

            "Damn," Nick sighed. Jimmy's eyebrow rose. "It's been, what, ten years?" Jimmy nodded. "You'd think I'd be over it."

            "If it's any consolation, she's not either." Nick's eyes snapped up to meet Jimmy's. 

            "Jesus Christ, Jimmy! You told her?" Nick exclaimed, rather loudly. Several other people in the place turned to look, curious. Jimmy stared at him blankly. "Shit, now she's gonna hunt me down on a fuckin' rampage." Nick slumped down in the booth, rubbing his forehead.

            "Actually, no, she won't," Jimmy assured him. "She said she didn't want to bother you."

            "Well, that's a big change from when I left. She called me to bother me every chance she got," Nick huffed.

            "Christ, Nick. You broke her heart. She didn't know you were leaving until you were gone, and she blamed herself for that. No one knew why you left. You just left. Here one minute, gone the next. She was worried about you, man." Jimmy was almost scolding him.

            "She _was_ the reason I left, Jimmy. And if I remember correctly, _you_ played a major role in that fiasco, so don't get all 'holier-than-thou' on me." Nick was pissed now. This just completely changed his whole world. Jimmy sat there, quiet for a moment.

            "You and I both know that's not why you left." He had Nick, and Nick knew it. Nick sighed.

            "Yeah."

            "What's the big deal, man? You're not gonna see her unless you want to, so why dwell on it like this? Ancient history. If you're not gonna get over it, at least move on and save us all the headache of having to deal with your moods." Nick sent him a look. "I'm serious, man. It's been ten fuckin' years. Either move on or face her and get over it." He was right, so Nick nodded. "Yes what, Nick?"

            "Time to move on," he stated dryly as he stood abruptly. Before Jimmy could stutter a protest, he threw five ones on the table, more than his share of the beer, and turned on his heel.


	2. Chapter 2

Blast From the Past, Chapter 2

            Slamming the door didn't make him feel any better, so Nick paced around his living room, trying to prevent the memories from flooding back to him, but having absolutely no success. She'd been the hottest freshman. He was the popular football player junior. It was the cliché to date a cheerleader, but Nick didn't. He dated the bookworm. But she was hot. And everyone knew it and was jealous of them. They had been high school sweethearts – were together for his last two years (except, of course for prom. He opted to take another senior, and they'd had words, but eventually got over it.), and all four of hers. He'd gone on to Rice University, she'd gone to the community college in Houston so they would still be close. They dated all through college. She got her bachelor's in philosophy, he got his in criminal justice. She went on to grad school at Rice, he went to the police department, against his father's wishes. And then the shit hit the fan. He left four years later without telling her, and he'd regretted it. Deep down, he knew she would have gone with him, but she was part of the problem. No matter how he tried to justify it all, he knew his problem was with him, not his family or Ashley or Jimmy or anyone else. He just felt like he couldn't live up to anyone's expectations. He could have forgiven Ashley and Jimmy. He had. They just didn't know it, and he felt guilty about that, too.

            Nick threw himself on the couch and sighed, finally giving in to the memories. Their first date had been classic. Fall was just around the corner, and the weather was finally starting to cool off. They'd gone to a movie with friends and he took her home. They walked around the block until five minutes before her curfew, and he'd kissed her goodnight. Nothing major, but sweet all the same. He smiled to himself now. She was perfect. Even as a freshman she'd been tall and pretty. Most freshmen he'd known looked like freshman. Hell, they often looked like they were still in junior high, but not Ashley. She had her mother's looks. And she was gorgeous. 

            In college, she was a goddess. She'd finally hit babehood, and every guy that knew her wanted to be Nick. But she only had eyes for the man she'd captured, which made Nick feel that much better about himself. Then the whole thing with his dad happened, and it all went downhill. Nick frowned thinking about all the fights with her and with his dad. He was too good for the police department, his dad said. He was settling for less than he was capable of, and it came down on the family in the long run. His mom wanted nothing from him but grandchildren with Ashley, and he couldn't handle the pressure. She always told him what a perfect couple they were, and how beautiful their children would be. He couldn't blame her for that – he thought he'd wanted it just as much as she did. But come time for actually popping the question, he'd thought long and hard about what he wanted and he just didn't know. Until that point, he'd done nothing but please other people, and he was sick of it. 

            True, the Ashley fiasco had been the straw that broke the camel's back, but he would have left eventually anyway. Nick grimaced as he remembered it. He'd come home from work one night to find Ashley on the porch, her eyes red and her cheeks tearstained. Of course he'd feared the worst – something had happened to her. She said she'd talked to Jimmy, Nick's best friend and boyfriend of Ashley's best friend, Megan. She didn't want to hurt him, but she just felt too much pressure right now, with school and her parents wanting her to settle down, just like Nick's. She didn't want to break up, but she couldn't commit to such a major commitment just yet. Nick hadn't taken it hard – he was actually kind of relieved. But she'd been so scared she was going to drive him away, it just broke his heart. He sat on the porch with her for an hour just listening to her ramble on and on about how she couldn't take it, blah, blah. Slowly, he started to think their relationship was just all about her – how he made her look, how he made her parents happy, how he made her feel good about herself.

            Naturally, he'd gone to Jimmy about it. But Jimmy had a confession to make. He had witnessed Ashley kissing another guy at school and hadn't told Nick about it for several months, until everything came to a head. Nick was furious. Jimmy was his best friend – how could he not tell him the moment he saw him, right? Truth be told, Jimmy had been the other guy. Ashley admitted that when Nick grilled her about it the next day. She swore she didn't mean for it to happen – didn't want it to happen. Jimmy and Megan had broken up, Jimmy was hurt, Ashley was his friend, and things got out of hand. She protested, but couldn't bring herself to hurt a friend just because he was kissing her against her will. So she let him, hoping nothing would come of it, and that it would help Jimmy somehow get over his heartache.

            Nick flew off the handle. No matter how much he believed Ashley, and how much he trusted her and loved her, he didn't want to think of how he would look if he stayed with a girl that had "cheated" on him, even though everyone in town that knew about it knew it was just a simple kiss between friends. He would never raise a hand to Ashley, but he gave her the best tongue-lashing in history. Now, more than ever, he regretted it. Jimmy had been next on his shit-list. After ripping him a new one, Nick made his plans to leave town. When Jimmy and Megan had shown up in Vegas a few years later, he had apologized to Jimmy about the whole thing after some long talks. He'd gotten over it and forgiven both of them, but as far as Jimmy knew, it was easier for Nick to get over being betrayed by his best friend than the woman he loved.

            "What the hell am I gonna do?" he asked the wall. Looking back on it now, Nick didn't really think the "fiasco" had been such a big damn deal. He felt like a total jerk. Not surprisingly, the wall didn't have the answer, so he decided he'd go for a walk. Hopefully, when he returned, his life would be back to normal, and this whole Ashley thing would be over.

***

            Ashley hadn't been able to sleep. She'd tossed and turned for hours now, but couldn't find a position comfortable enough to forget all the trivial things on her mind. She was worried about the apartment not coming through (she knew it'd been a mistake to let Megan handle that for her), and her new job teaching at WLVU (she'd taught before, but not at the university level, and not outside of Texas), and just general things you worry about when you move someplace new – finding a cool new hangout like the one at home, new friends, new colleagues, new streets, and many new opportunities to get lost. 

And she worried about being in the same city as Nick. She wasn't scared of him by any means. It had just been forever since she'd seen him, and if she did happen to run into him, she wondered what he'd say, if he'd recognize her, and mostly if he'd bring up the mistakes she'd made in the past. God, she wished she'd put her foot down. Now, being under the same roof as Jimmy, she felt even more badly about what had happened. But she couldn't completely blame herself. After all, Jimmy was her friend, and she had always wanted to be there for her friends when they needed someone to talk to. She hadn't planned on him kissing her. That was the last thing she'd expected, since he'd just gotten dumped. And even so, it wasn't one of _those_ kisses. She thought Nick would have understood. Nick cared about his friends just as much as Ashley did, and he knew she would never even think about cheating on him. No, this wasn't as much her fault as she had thought. 

On some level, though, she understood why Nick had been so pissed off. She knew better than everyone else how much stress his family had put on him to settle down and live up to their expectations. His job didn't help either – it was just as stressful for Nick, who naturally generally cared about people, regardless of whether or not he knew them. And she understood that since he wasn't there to witness it, he didn't know exactly what had happened. Even trusting her as much as he did, he was justified in thinking there had to be more to it just because she hadn't run to him to tell him the minute it happened. 

With a heavy sigh, she stood, gasping as her feet touched the cold floor. She stepped into her flip-flops and quietly went out onto the front porch to sneak a quick smoke. She had to smile – what would Nick say? Shaking her head, she let a quiet giggle escape. He'd probably have a heart attack and die. No, Ashley knew she had to just get over it. On the slight chance she did run into him, she knew all chances of reconciliation where hopelessly lost now. After all, it'd been more than ten years now. Who can really wait that long?


	3. Chapter 3

Blast from the Past, Chapter 3

            Ashley sighed as she rubbed her forehead, reading over the work she had just completed. After grabbing a soda from the fridge, she plopped down on the top stair of the porch, watching her smoke dissipate into the cool night air. She'd gotten used to the weather here, and was really starting to enjoy it. This time of year it was impossible to sit on the porch back home. Either the mosquitoes would eat you alive or you'd dehydrate in two minutes from the humidity, but Vegas was nice. Dry air, cool evenings, and very few if any creepy crawlers hunting you. 

            She just sat there for a while, taking in the distant lights of the city, smiling to herself. Meg and Jimmy had picked out the perfect place – out in the "country," as they called it, for lack of a better term. There was no country in Clark County anymore, some said. The city was growing up onto the mountains slowly, pushing away any country that might have been left. Still, it was peaceful for such a large city, and Ashley was starting to like it here. 

            Jimmy was going out with friends tonight, Megan had told her, and Megan had to work, so Ashley had the house all to herself for once. Not like she didn't enjoy having her host and hostess around – she'd missed them terribly. It was just nice to have some time to herself; something she hadn't had since she got off the plane a month ago. And damn if that apartment fell through. Now she had to go out looking herself, wasting precious time when she had a deadline on her current paper for the Philosophy journal she wrote for. The past few weeks had been filled with home shopping during the day and frantic writing early into the mornings. And it was starting to wear down on her, not to mention just knowing that the man she'd loved for more than half her life was in the same city and she couldn't bring herself to find him because she just knew he wouldn't want to see her.

***

            Nick stared at the ceiling. He knew Jimmy would be over in a few moments and he should probably change out of his towel, but he just couldn't find the energy. For some reason, he hadn't been sleeping well this past month. Actually, ever since Jimmy dropped the bomb that Ashley was in town and wasn't interested in seeing him. He sighed and shook his head, a pained expression darkening his handsome features.

            "Fuck," he muttered, upon hearing the doorbell. He swore again for emphasis and stood, pulling a pair of jeans on, buttoning and zipping as he headed toward the front door. He pulled it open with a small smile, watching as Jimmy entered his house and plopped on the couch. 

            "Well, Nick, you might want to put a shirt on. I think restaurants nowadays have shirt and shoes requirements," Jimmy teased, nodding at Nick's bare feet.

            "Yeah, yeah," Nick muttered, disappearing down the hallway. Jimmy smiled and shook his head.

            "What's with you lately?" Nick heard Jimmy ask from the other room. Nick's breath caught in his throat.

            "Nothing, man," he lied. "Just stressed with work and stuff. I mean, we've been overloaded lately."

            "Is that why you've been avoiding me?" Jimmy snickered. Nick laughed slightly.

            "No, I've been avoiding you because you're the antichrist, Jimmy," he retorted. __

_            Well, at least he still has his sense of humor,_ Jimmy thought as he scratched his chin. Nick emerged a few seconds later, shirt and shoes in place, and nodded at Jimmy as he grabbed his keys. 

            "Your car or mine?" he asked.

            "Yours is cooler," Jimmy said with a smug grin. Nick smiled widely and nodded, pulling the door open and following Jimmy out to lock up behind him.

***

            "I told you I don't want to talk about it anymore, Jimmy," Nick said firmly, his eyes flashing angrily. "Just let it go for once."

            "Nick something's been wrong with you for a month now. Ever since I told you Ashley was in town. You've just been –" he paused, looking across the table at Nick. "I don't know. Not yourself."

            "Okay, then, smart guy," Nick chided. "Who have I been?" Jimmy stared at him again for a moment before taking a deep breath.

            "The Nick I knew three days before he left Texas." That statement knocked all the wind out of Nick's sails, and he slumped his shoulders a bit. Jimmy was right. Just knowing that Ashley was in town made Nick revert back to being sheltered, quiet, and angry. Even Warrick and Greg had said something about that. Truth was, something _was_ wrong. Nick just didn't want to admit it to anyone, especially Jimmy. So he sighed and shook his head.

            "I'm just bogged down at work and getting really stressed about it," he said. It wasn't a lie – he was bogged down and stressed, but he could handle that.

            "That's it?" Jimmy asked. Nick nodded, and Jimmy snickered. "You had a hard time admitting that you're busy and stressed?" Nick nodded again. "That's a shitty cover-up, man." Nick's eyes snapped up to Jimmy's, narrowing a smidge.

            "If I wanted to talk about what's really bothering me, I would. Since I haven't, I think it's a pretty safe assumption that I _don't want to talk about what's really bothering me, so just fucking drop it already, okay?" Jimmy held up his hands in surrender. "Thanks."_

            "What're you doing for the Superbowl?" Jimmy asked, smart to change the subject.

            "Don't know yet. Why?"

            "I was thinking about throwing a little party. Chips, dip, keg, the whole nine." Nick smiled slightly. Jimmy was just the type of person to get a keg for a party. Just like in college. 

            "Where do you plan to hide the keg from Megan?"

            "She actually gave the okay. We've got an extra fridge in the garage, so we'll move everything in the fridge now out there and put the keg in the one in the kitchen. She's making the dip. Good stuff." Jimmy saluted with his beer before taking a drink, and Nick laughed. "You in?"

            "We'll see," Nick said with a slight shrug. "I don't know whether or not I'll have to work yet, but I'll let you know." Jimmy nodded, taking a sip from his frosty glass. Nick took a breath, as if he were going to say something, but changed his mind and let it out in the form of a light sigh. Jimmy's eyebrow rose, and Nick sent him a look.

            "I know, I know," Jimmy said quickly. "If you wanted to talk about it, you would but since you haven't, it's obvious you don't want to." Nick nodded in satisfaction. "You do know you can trust me, though, right?"

            "Of course," Nick said, a little taken aback. "I just—" he sighed, shaking his head. "I just don't know what I'm thinking. I mean, yeah, something's been bothering me, but I don't really know. I haven't got it all figured out yet. I don't even know if I have all the pieces to put together yet, so I'm just gonna do some thinking for a while."

            "But you do know I'm here. Whenever you need to talk. Right?" Nick answered with a small nod. Jimmy really was a great friend, no matter what had happened in the past. "I mean, I totally understand. Old flame flies into town unannounced after ten years of wondering if you did the right thing. It's gonna bring up some questions." Nick avoided his eyes. "Feel guilty about things you said, all the 'what if's floating around." Jimmy knew he was out on a limb, but damn if the alcohol didn't block his judgment.

            "Jimmy—"

            "Yeah, I know," Jimmy recovered. "I'm sorry."

            "Don't worry about it."


	4. Chapter 4

Blast From the Past, Chapter 4

            Ashley stared at herself in the mirror, feeling her hands trembling at her side. Jimmy had planned a Superbowl party, inviting both her and Megan to stay. Of course she'd known Nick would eventually show up – he wasn't the type to turn down such an invitation, and from what Megan had said about the re-growing relationship between Nick and Jimmy, Jimmy was sure to have invited him. She'd actually thought about planning an extra-credit lecture for her students today, but didn't get the reaction she'd have needed to pull it off. Everyone already had made plans for Superbowl Sunday, or otherwise wouldn't be caught dead at school on the weekend. So here she stood, in front of her reflection, terrified of the events that could possibly unfold. She was certain Jimmy hadn't told Nick she was here, much less that she'd be at the party, so she could only imagine what would happen when he saw her. After taking a deep breath, she stood and headed into the kitchen to help Megan with the food preparations.

            "You ready for this?" Megan asked quietly, peeking around the corner at Jimmy arranging and re-arranging the furniture for all the friends expected to show up within the next hour.

            "Ready for what?" Ashley knew what Megan was talking about – Nick. But she knew that if she thought about it, she wouldn't be able to face him.

            "Nick. I mean, Jimmy didn't say for sure whether or not he'd be here, but knowing Nick, he could never turn down free beer to go with the game," Megan stated. "If you're not ready to do this, we can go do something else. I'm sure Jimmy knows how to pour chips into a bowl and set it in front of guests." Ashley laughed and met Megan's eyes. 

            "We'll see. I mean, they're not supposed to get here for another hour, so who knows what will go through my mind until then," she replied with a smile. 

            "I just can't believe Jimmy." Ashley's eyebrow rose. "I mean, Nick told him to drop the issue, I told him to leave you alone about it, and he's still insistent on getting you two in the same room."

            "Wait, wait—" Ashley said quickly. "Did Jimmy tell him I'm here?" Megan nodded slowly, watching Ashley's eyes close. "Shit." She just about jumped through her skin as the doorbell rang. 

            "Someone's early," Megan said with a frown. "Do you want to go? I'll have Jimmy finish up here." She didn't let Ashley get a word out before rushing out of the room to get the door. Ashley heard her greet someone and yell at Jimmy to get out of the bedroom and into the living room. Jimmy's heavy footsteps running down the stairs, and then two male voices talking and laughing. Megan reappeared in the kitchen, smiling weakly at Ashley. "We can go out the back door if you want to." Ashley nodded quickly.

            "Can you get my purse? It's on my bed." Megan nodded and disappeared, leaving Ashley standing alone in the middle of the kitchen, scared to death. She heard footsteps coming toward her from the hallway and breathed a sigh of relief. Just two more seconds and she and Megan could get the hell out of here. 

            "Did you actually get a keg in your refrigerator, Jimmy, or were you lying?" Ashley froze. The footsteps no doubt belonged to the nearing voice, which couldn't be anyone but Nick. She swore under her breath and headed toward the back door, hoping to get out of the room before Nick saw her. She was on the brink of tears as she tugged on the sliding glass door, but it wouldn't budge. Anxiety turned to desperation as the footsteps came closer and then halted, just as that damn door pulled open and Ashley slipped out into the back yard, trembling again. She closed the door soundlessly and ran around front to the garage just as Megan opened the door. 

            "There you are. I checked the kitchen a few seconds ago, but you were gone," Megan said calmly. 

            "Who was that?" Ashley asked, reaching for the car door handle.

            "Who?"

            "The guy that came into the kitchen." Her voice was trembling just as violently as the rest of her, and Megan picked up on it. "Or do I not want to know?"

            "You probably don't want to know," Megan said as she turned the key. Ashley nodded and stared out the window.

            "Where are we going?" Megan shrugged, and Ashley didn't push. She didn't really feel like talking right now anyway.

***

            They had walked around the Forum Shops for three hours now, and Ashley's legs were getting really tired. Neither had bought anything, and Megan was getting sick of the silence. It was obvious Ashley didn't want to talk about anything, but Megan had always been one to talk about absolutely nothing just to avoid awkward silence, which was what had been filling their conversation since they'd left the house.

            "So when do you think you'll hear about that apartment?" Megan asked. Ashley shrugged.

            "That eager to get rid of me?" she returned with a slight smile.

            "No, I just know you've been really edgy since you got here and I want you to be able to relax and have your own place. You know, fill your time with furniture arranging and decorating instead of worrying about stupid piddly shit that doesn't matter anyway."

            "You're not helping," Ashley informed.

            "I'm sorry, Ash." Ashley replied with a shrug. "I just want you to be happy here. I mean, we're friends. I hate walking on eggshells just because you're worried Nick might decide to pop in one day." Megan's comment was returned with one of _those_ looks. "Face it, Ash. You're scared shitless of running into him without being prepared first. But look at what happened today. You had plenty of time to prepare, and you still wigged out. You just – I don't know. Snapped, I guess."

            "Can we please change the subject, Meg?" Ashley whined.

            "No, we can't," Megan snapped, stopping and grabbing Ashley's arm to stop her as well. "I love you to death, sweetheart, but frankly, I'm sick of having to avoid subjects that might or might not lead to you needing to face Nick and get over this. You're both adults, but you're both acting like you're still in junior high. Neither one of you wants to get over it, but you won't face each other either." Ashley took a step back, Megan's words stinging. "And you're putting Jimmy and me in the middle in the process, which isn't helping us at all. I'm sorry Ash, I really am. I'd love for you to stay with us as long as you'd like to, but not at the expense of my marriage, and not at the expense of Jimmy and Nick's friendship." Ashley just stared at her for a moment before taking a deep breath and gulping.

            "Well, I'm sorry I've put such a damper on your life, Megan. I'll call the apartment office tomorrow and be in by the end of the week." Megan sighed as Ashley turned and walked away.

            "Ashley, wait." Ashley paused and turned around. "I'm sorry." Ashley shook her head. "Ash, I wish I had an excuse for you, and I wish I could do something, but no matter what I offer, this won't get any easier until you make up your mind what you're going to do and actually have the balls to go through with it." Ashley's gaze lowered. "You have every reason to be afraid of seeing him again. I mean, Christ. He left without telling anyone, and let you believe that it was all your fault. But honestly, Ashley, I know for a fact it wasn't. Nick has never been the type of person to let an innocent misunderstanding between the two people he trusts most come between him and then. You know that as well as I do. It wasn't your fault then, and it isn't your fault that he's not man enough to admit it and apologize. But you know what?" Ashley looked up at Megan. "You're the only one that can make that happen, and the only way is to make him face you." Ashley nodded.

            "I know," she said timidly. "But all I want is to be able to forget all of this happened and move on."

            "With Nick," Megan assumed. Ashley nodded slowly.

            "I miss him, Meg."

            "I know you do," Megan said, wrapping Ashley in a hug. "But as your friend, I feel like I have to tell you it's been ten years and not to expect anything." Ashley nodded against her.

            "I know. And that's what makes it so hard for me."

***

            It was halftime and the guys were out of dip and starting to complain. The keg had run dry and Jimmy had missed the best play of the first quarter getting it refilled. He was pissed. If Megan had been here, none of this would have happened, and Jimmy would still be the man. Nick smacked him in the back of the head.

            "You still with us, man?" he asked. Jimmy nodded slowly.

            "Meg's in serious trouble when she gets back," he threatened with an evil grin.

            "Why?" David, Jimmy and Meg's neighbor scoffed. "Because you're half the hostess she is on a good day?" All the guys laughed, and Jimmy's face reddened. 

            "If she hadn't run off, none of this would have happened," he pouted.

            "Oh, grow up, man," Nick whined, throwing popcorn at him. "You couldn't possibly have thought one keg would last nine grown men at a football game, did you?" Nick studied Jimmy for a second and shook his head. "You did."

            "Yeah, yeah," Jimmy retorted. "Shut the fuck up and watch the game." 

***

            Megan swore and drove with her knee to rummage through her purse before the phone stopped ringing.

            "'Lo? Hey. Yeah, we're on the way back right now. He what? Shit. Yeah, okay. That's fine. Just, uh, keep him there." Ashley looked over at Megan, who shook her head with an embarrassed grin. "Anyone else still there? Okay. Yeah, twenty minutes tops. Bye, sweetie." Ashley kept looking at Megan until she finally gave in. "You'll have fun with this. Nick passed out on the couch. Too much beer, evidently." Ashley's smile fell, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. "Never thought he was capable of drinking himself to sleep on beer, but hey. Superbowl, right?"

            "Megan—"

            "Don't worry. He's fast asleep. I'll make Jimmy sit with him until he wakes up and then take him home." Ashley turned to look out the window again.

            "No, let him sleep it off as long as he needs to. I don't want you to work around me anymore."

            "It's not about you, Ash," Megan said. "I told Jimmy I didn't want anyone staying tonight, and no one's going to. It's his party. He's got the gas to play chauffer." Ashley laughed slightly, but her spirits were far from high. She knew Drunk Nick. Drunk Nick was funny until he got pissed off and then you'd better watch out. Beligerent Drunk Nick didn't make many appearances, but when he did, it didn't go unnoticed. And Ashley was sure that she would bring out Beligerent Drunk Nick right now, if he were to find out she was there. So as soon as they got home, she snuck up the stairs without even looking at the couch he was supposed to have passed out on.

            She changed into her pajamas without turning on the light, went down the hall to the bathroom to wash her face, and slipped under the covers. Just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard feet shuffling across the floor, feeling someone looking at her. 

            "Ashley?" She didn't move. A sigh. A knee cracking as someone knelt next to her bed. Her heart sped up, and she prayed he couldn't hear it. The slight smell of beer invaded her nostrils, and her heart pounded even harder. "God," she heard him whisper. She nearly jumped when she felt him brush a strand of hair away from her face, hoping he thought she was just stirring. "So this is what I left, huh?" Another sigh. "I've been kicking myself in the ass for ten years. Now I guess I know why." His words were slightly slurred, and she figured he was still drunk. She hoped he forgot this if it wasn't just a dream.

            "Nick? You ready?"

            "Gimme a minute." He sighed again, pausing for what seemed like forever to Ashley. "God, I miss you." He kissed her forehead and was gone. Ashley opened her eyes and blinked, feeling a tear slide down her cheek and fall onto the pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

Blast From the Past, Chapter 5

            "And then he kissed me on the cheek and left." Ashley slumped back on the couch, her arm draped over her eyes. Megan cooed.

            "Aww… that's such a sweet dream."

            "It wasn't a dream, Megan. It couldn't have been." Megan's eyebrow rose, and Ashley sighed.

            "It had to be. I watched Jimmy practically carry him out to the truck after he started moaning and groaning in his sleep. He never even looked at the stairs. Like he would have been able to get up them and tiptoe into your room anyway. He was still completely wasted." Megan shook her head. "It was a dream, Ashley." Ashley looked up at Megan.

            "So I have no real reason to feel better about this then." Megan looked confused. "If it had actually happened, and he really did miss me, then I'd have nothing to worry about if I ever ran into him. But if it was a dream, I'm back at square one." Megan reached out and gave Ashley's knee a squeeze.

            "You don't have anything to worry about. I mean, honestly, what's the worst that can happen? He'll reject you and nothing changes from the past ten years. You've gotten along just fine without him." Ashley shook her head.

            "Yeah, but only because the chance was still there. Facing him and being rejected means there's no possibility. It's all over, and nothing I can do will change that."

            "So that's why you're so worried," Megan added, and Ashley nodded.

            "If I just keep avoiding him, I'll never be rejected."

            "But you'll never know what could happen, Ash. I mean, for all you know, he does miss you and want to get back together. You'll never know unless you face him."

            "But I'll never have to risk getting rejected again, either," Ashley insisted. Megan gave up, leaning back in her seat.

            "I guess you've made your call then, Ash." An unsettling silence ensued until Megan cleared her throat. "So how's work?"

***

            Nick threw the book across the room with a growl. This was going absolutely nowhere. Everyone knew the suspect was guilty as sin, but no one had anything to prove it. He rested his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands with a heavy sigh.

            "No luck, huh?" Warrick asked, leaning against the doorframe.

            "You got anything?" Nick replied, refusing to look up and give himself away.

            "Maybe. Sara's tracking down a lead right now. Might actually get somewhere with it." 

            "Yeah?" Warrick nodded. "Sweet."

            "What's with you lately?"

            "Nothing, man," Nick said quickly, rubbing his forehead and tossing a quick reassuring grin to Warrick. Warrick rolled his eyes.

            "You're transparent, Nick. Something's been bothering you lately. Everyone's noticed it."

            "Can this wait?" Nick whined, glancing around. "I trust you, man, but I don't trust everyone here with everything I'm dealing with right now, okay? I mean, if Greg knew, everyone would know." Warrick nodded knowingly. 

            "Beer after work?" Nick groaned.

            "No beer for a while. Overdid it a bit."

            "Superbowl?" Nick nodded.

            "We can grab something to eat after though, yeah." Warrick agreed and left the room, leaving Nick with his thoughts.

***

            "So she just blew into town after ten years expecting to hook up?" Nick shrugged.

            "From what Jimmy said, she just came out here to spend some time with Megan. Make a little change. Evidently, she didn't know I was here, or that's what she told them anyway." Warrick's eyebrow rose, so Nick continued. "About a month after I first moved here, she called and left a message on my machine that she wanted closure or something."

            "You didn't tell her you were leaving?" Warrick asked, a little shocked. Nick grimaced.

            "No, not really. I mean, I just had too much to deal with. I just wanted to get away from everything and start all over. She was part of the problem. Or at least I thought so anyway. She would have come with me, but I didn't want any link to the past at all, so I didn't tell anyone." He took a breath. "Then I ran into Jimmy and Meg at a restaurant one night, and Jimmy and I ended up working things out, but I never even tried to work it out with Ashley."

            "So she didn't come here looking to get back with you."

            "I guess not. And I haven't seen her at all. She's been dodging me just as much as I've been dodging her." Nick sighed and leaned forward. "It's like if I don't face her, the problem doesn't exist. All the what if's and everything are completely irrelevant." Warrick studied him for a second.

            "So tell me something." Nick nodded and picked up a fry to play in the fallen salt on his plate. "Would you want to work things out with her, if you knew it wouldn't end up getting ugly, or would you rather just forget about it?"

            "I don't know." Warrick's eyebrow rose.

            "You don't know?" He snickered. "You wanted to marry the girl and you don't know if you want to give it a second chance?" Nick just looked at him. "Christ, Nick. Listen to yourself. You gotta handle this. At least try to talk to her about it and get that off your chest or you know you'll have to live with the guilt of letting her think it was all about her for the rest of your life. Think about it, man." Nick nodded.

            "Yeah, I guess."

            "You guess? You better be damn sure, or you might just miss out on the best second chance ever," Warrick warned. Nick nodded, his jaw tightening. Warrick was right, and Nick knew it. He just didn't know if he could face her after ten years of letting her think he hated her.

***

            Nick took a few steps up the walk and stopped, wiping his hands on his jeans for the umpteenth time since he stepped out of the Tahoe. He sighed. Dammit, why was this so hard? He shook his head and turned, walking quickly back to the Tahoe, but turning back toward the house as soon as his fingers touched the door handle.

            "Fuck it," he muttered to himself, rushing up to the door and ringing the bell before he could change his mind. Jimmy answered and stepped back, surprised.

            "Nick, what are you doing here?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder quickly.

            "Hey, man. Is, uh…" He swallowed, wiping his hands again. "Is Ashley still here?"

            "She's in town, but she's not here." Nick's brow furrowed.

            "Shit."

            "Nick, what's going on?" Megan asked, stepping behind Jimmy to grab Nick's arm and pull him inside the house. "Have a seat. I'll get you something to drink," she said over her shoulder as she went into the kitchen. He fell into the couch and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. She returned a few moments later and handed him a glass of iced tea, which he set on the end table without drinking. "Why are you looking for Ashley?"

            "I just wanted to talk to her, that's all," he said. "Why am I getting the feeling y'all want me to leave her alone?" Megan and Jimmy looked at each other. "Why do I feel like you're protecting her from this?" He stared at them, but no answers came. "Tell me something."

            "Nick, I just." Megan stopped and sighed. "I don't know if she's ready for this yet."

            "Christ, Meg. It's been ten fucking years," Nick yelled, standing up quickly. "I don't think I'm ready for it, either, but it's about fucking time to deal with this."

            "You're not talking to her like that, Nick," Jimmy said quietly. "Not in that state." Nick shook his head. "You can't really think you can handle it when you can't even handle talking to us about talking to her, do you?" Nick dropped back onto the couch.

            "I'm sorry, Meg," he said quietly. "I just wanted to get this over with." He sighed. "I'm sick of it hanging over my head. I can't think about anything else anymore. Just her. What I did wrong. What could have been different. Hell, everything would have been different." He rubbed his forehead. Megan reached for the pen and paper pad on the coffee table and wrote something down, then handed him the paper. 

            "Calm down on the way there, and talk to her," she said, meeting his eyes. He took the paper from her and looked at it. All that was there was an apartment address, he guessed Ashley's new apartment. So he nodded and stood.

            "Thanks, Meg." He looked at Jimmy. "I'll call you on the way back." Jimmy nodded and watched him leave.

            "I can't believe you," Jimmy said quietly. Megan just looked at him.

            "What are you talking about?"

            "You're gonna let him go talk to Ashley in that mood? C'mon. Ashley doesn't think she's ready to see him again, much less _that_ side of him." Megan reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his.

            "He isn't pissed off Nick, he's passionate Nick. He wants to work this out, and he's in the mood to right now. That's why he was so upset – his plan to work it out with her had a kink in it, and he didn't expect that. And she's ready to work it out no matter how much she says she isn't. Don't worry, babe," she insisted. He forced a smile.

            "I am though."

            "It'll work out just fine," she reassured, kissing his cheek.

***

            Nick looked at the paper in his hands and back up at the door in front of him. Then he looked at his watch and back at the paper. Back at the door. Back at the paper. He sighed. 

            "I can't do this." He turned around and went out to the Tahoe, just sitting in it for a good five minutes. A light came on in a window above him and his head snapped up. He got out of the truck and went up the stairs again, raising his hand to knock before he could think twice. He heard the locks turn and the door handle twist and click open, and watched the door open, almost in slow motion. 

***

            Ashley sighed and turned the television off, sitting in the darkness for a few seconds before finally getting up and heading into the kitchen. She had been hungry for the past hour, but didn't feel like getting up and fixing something to eat. She filled a pot with water, added a bit of salt and set it on the burner, twisting the knob. After staring into the cabinet for a while, she pulled out a box of linguine and tossed it into the water, watching it start to boil. She heard a knock at the door and swore. Megan really did worry too much. She unlocked it and pulled it open, stifling a gasp as she took a few steps backward.

            "Nick." He just looked at her, his head cocked to the head only slightly. She stared back, her mouth hanging open. The corners of his lips turned upward only slightly, and she regained her composure. "What are you doing here?" She tried to keep her voice from cracking, barely winning.

            "Can we talk?" he asked quietly. She nodded without thinking, opening the door wider to let him in. He walked past her, his eyes darting around, taking in her new home.

            "Sorry about the mess," she said quickly, closing the door. "I haven't really been in the mood to get serious about unpacking yet." He laughed slightly. "I've got some pasta cooking. Are you hungry?" He shook his head and settled on the couch. She sat down slowly on the cushion furthest from him, staring at her hands in her lap.

            "Ashley—" She looked up at him, then back down at her fingers. He sighed and leaned back. He just looked at her for a while, taking in every change he'd missed. Her hair was a little shorter than he remembered, and her face was just a little fuller. She'd lost the girlish look about her. He'd missed watching her grow from a young woman into an adult, and it hurt him for some reason. He turned on the couch to face her and saw her glance in his direction without looking at him. "I'm sorry."

            "Shit, the pasta," she exclaimed, jumping up and running into the kitchen. He followed her, watching her pour the pasta into a colander in the sink. She grabbed a washrag from the cabinet and wet it, wiping up the boil-over mess on the stove. She stopped and turned to him. "Why did you come here?" she asked boldly. His eyebrow rose.

            "I wanted to talk."

            "What about?"

            "Just to talk," he said, growing uncomfortable. "Work things out."

            "As in…?"

            "As in get the air cleared." She shook her head, silently asking for clarification. He sighed and looked out the window. The Tahoe seemed to call him, but it seemed so far away. He was beginning to feel cramped in this little apartment, like it was infringing on his ability to breathe. "Why I left, why I didn't tell you…" he trailed off.

            "You left because of me and that's why you didn't tell me," she snapped, turning back to her pasta. He watched her shift it to a bowl and pour some olive oil over it, then reach into a drawer and toss a fork into it.

            "No." She looked up at him.

            "Well, that's what you've let me think for the past ten years." He opened his mouth, but no words came. "You knew that's what I would assume. Anybody would. I mean, someone disappears after a misunderstanding and doesn't bother to tell you, what else would you assume, right?" He just stared at her. He hadn't been prepared for her to be in attack mode. Memories came flooding back in flashes. He couldn't keep the smile from breaking through. "And what the hell are you smiling about?" she demanded. He shook his head slightly, still smirking.

            "Your accent always gets heavier when you're pissed off."

            "I don't have an accent, Nick. Wipe that smirk off your face." He watched her eat her pasta quietly, and they played "Watch-me-until-I-watch-you-back" for a while, until she sighed heavily. "Just say what you came here to say, Nick." He took a breath.

            "I didn't have an agenda, if that's what you're implying," he said slowly. She just looked at him, and he couldn't read her expression. "Ashley, I had a lot going on in my life, and—" 

            "And I was getting in your way," she interjected.

            "Will you let me finish?" The words were out more forcefully than he would have liked, but it was said now, and he couldn't take it back. She jumped a little. "I'm sorry, just let me say this." He sighed. "And I couldn't deal with the pressure of living up to everyone's expectations of me. I just had to start over and live my own life. I wanted a fresh start."

            "And I wasn't included in that. You didn't want me in your life anymore. I understand that, Nick." He shook his head. "What do you want me to say, Nick? It's okay? Well, it's not. I forgive you? Well, I haven't yet." She watched him shrink. "I don't know what you want from me. What exactly did you come here for?"

            "I don't know, Ashley. Okay?" He ran a shaking hand through his short hair and sighed, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach. "I was just hoping that—" he stopped, frustrated. He couldn't say what was on his mind; just couldn't get it out.

            "Hoping that what, Nick?" she demanded.

            "I don't know." He emphasized every word. They stared at each other for a while. "I just wanted to straighten this out." She didn't say anything, so he cleared his throat. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Ashley."

            "Well, you did." Her words were cold. He felt like he'd been slapped in the face. She avoided his eyes, so he just watched her for a while. He heard his Tahoe calling him again, so he just nodded and walked to the door, pulling it open and pausing. He looked back up at her. She was still standing in front of the sink, staring at her pasta, which had to be cold by now.

            "You look great, Ashley." She looked up at him, and he could see the tears in her eyes from where he was standing. "Better than ever." He forced a small smile before closing the door behind him and moseying down the steps to his truck. She watched him through the kitchen window, finally letting the tears break free. It wasn't supposed to have happened this way. A soft sob escaped her as she heard the engine start and watched the headlights come on before he pulled away and was gone.

***

            Ashley sighed and rolled over in bed to look at the clock again. Only five minutes had passed since the last time she looked, but the morning sun was beginning to shine through the shades. Thank God she didn't have to go to work today. She groaned and rolled back over onto her side to stare at the wall. Her face crumpled as the tears threatened, but she took a breath and pushed them away. She shook her head and closed her eyes. No, things were not supposed to be like this. She shouldn't have pushed him away like that. Not so violently, anyway. She let one tear slip and couldn't fight the rest. 


	6. Chapter 6

Blast from the Past, Chapter 6

            Nick had been moping around for days and Warrick was fed up. He knew Nick had gone to talk to Ashley, but that's all he could weasel out of him. His lips were sealed, and that was never a good sign. Warrick decided to corner him and beat it out of him if necessary.

            "Nick." Nick looked up from the table in the coffee room. No one else was there, so Warrick decided now was his chance. Nick picked up his coffee and took a sip. "What happened to you?"

            "What do you mean?" Warrick sighed and closed the door behind him. "Uh-oh. Warrick wants privacy. That's not good."

            "Stop being a smartass and tell me what's wrong with you," Warrick said as he sat across from Nick.

            "Nothing's wrong with me."

            "Stop the bullshit." Nick's eyes snapped up to meet Warrick's. "All you've said is that you went to talk to her. Are you gonna tell me what happened, or make me guess?" Nick's eyes fell and he sighed.

            "She basically told me she can't forgive me, and to go to hell." Warrick's eyebrows rose.

            "That bad?"

            "Not really. I mean, she assumed that I left to get away from her—"

            "Which was a safe assumption," Warrick added, receiving a look from Nick.

            "And she didn't let me explain, and the little bit I could figure out how to say, she didn't believe." Nick lost himself in the depths of his coffee. "I know I let her down, and I know she has a reason to hate my guts, but I wish she didn't. I wish she could forgive me, and I wish she'd just give me a chance to work this out." Warrick nodded.

            "Maybe she will," he offered.

            "No way, man," Nick moaned. "It's over and done with. No more chances."

            "Just hear me out, Nick .You hurt her." Nick sighed. "She felt like you didn't need her or want her anymore, and she felt lost. Then, all of a sudden, you show up and want to talk about it. She was scared, Nick. She didn't know how to react, or what to say, or if it was even real. And once she realizes it was, she'll think the same thing you were thinking before you talked to her, but hopefully now she'll know she has a chance to make things right." Nick looked up at Warrick, hope shining in his eyes.

            "Yeah?"

            "Maybe," Warrick said gently. "I'm no psychic, but it's a safe bet." Nick nodded.

            "I hope you're right."

***

            Ashley finally got out of bed around noon, after lying there, awake, since Nick had left last night. She knew this hadn't been a dream. Her pasta was still sitting on the counter, and her apartment still held traces of his aftershave. She threw the pasta out and set the bowl in the sink, along with the pot and the fork, and ran water in it, making a mental note to do dishes later. All of her belongings had arrived three days ago, and the only boxes she'd unpacked were the linens and a few miscellaneous important items – one bowl, one of each piece of silverware, one glass, and one pot, among other things. She picked a random box and pulled it over to the couch. Had to be books or something, judging from its weight. She shrugged and pulled the tape off, rummaging through it, sorting the various items she found inside. A box caught her attention, and she sighed, reaching for it with shaky fingers. She took the small box and leaned back on the couch, opening it slowly and shaking her head. She reached in and pulled out the photos, flipping through them slowly. 

            They had been taken in college – Megan had taken most of them during her brief stint as a photography major. They were all of Ashley and Nick. One struck her, and she stared at it for a long while. They were in Jimmy's hammock in the back yard, surrounded by trees. He was leaning over her, smiling down at her, and she was laughing. They looked so happy together, and she'd missed that feeling – being needed and loved and appreciated. She missed feeling his arms around her, and his lips on hers. She missed the way his hair smelled, the twinkle in his eye when he smiled at her, his dimples, and how he lit up whenever he saw her. She missed everything about him. Tears streamed down her face as she flipped to the next photo. She was looking at the camera, a bright smile on her face, and he was behind her with his arms wrapped around her shoulders, kissing her cheek. She shook her head and put the pictures away, deciding instead to go for a walk instead of unpack.

            Once she got outside her apartment, she decided to go to her campus office and work on some of her lecture notes, maybe clean them up a bit. She hardly ever used them, but it was something that would fill her time. She pulled into her parking spot and jogged up the stairs to her office building, locking the door behind her. She sat down behind her desk and looked around. Her office was cold – no pictures, no awards, not even her diplomas. She sighed. Mental note. Her eyes wandered to the telephone book, and she reached out for it, flipping through the pages until she got to the S's. She ran her finger down the page, stopping at one to write down the address. Then, she turned in her chair and got on her computer, printing out the page she found. She looked at it for a while and then nodded, grabbing her keys and heading back out to the car, just as it started to rain. She swore, and her tires screeched as she pulled out of the lot.

***

            Nick sighed and leaned back, sinking into the couch. The television was on, but he wasn't watching it. He'd seen this episode a million times anyway. He just stared at the ceiling and replayed the scene that took place in Ashley's apartment the night before, over and over. He shook his head and swore, scolding himself. He should never have gone over there. The doorbell rang, and he sighed.

            "Warrick, I'm fine. Go home and sleep," he called, heading to the door. He opened it, and instantly got nervous. "Ashley, hi."

            "I'm sorry." He shook his head.

            "Don't," he pleaded. Her gaze dropped, and he sighed. "C'mon in. You're soaked," he noted. She shrugged. Her hair was dripping, her clothes clinging to her slender body. "C'mere," he said, leading her down the hallway. He grabbed a towel from the closet and she took it from him with a timid smile. He led her into his bedroom and opened a drawer, tossing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt onto the bed. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes. I'll put them in the dryer."

            "Nick, you don't have to go to all of this trouble," she said quietly. Yeah, he could tell she felt bad. He just wanted her to have a reason to stay at least an hour.

            "It's no trouble. Don't want you getting sick." She laughed slightly and nodded. He managed a small smile and left the room. 

            "You know that's a myth, right?" she called.

            "What?"

            "Being in the rain making you sick." He didn't say anything back, so she continued. "It actually just makes you cold, which makes you shiver, which makes you use more energy to stay warm, so you get tired and your immune system weakens. There's nothing about being wet itself that makes you sick." He smiled to himself and looked up as she walked out of the bedroom carrying her clothes wrapped in the towel. He took the bundle from her and smirked. She looked down at herself and smiled. "They're a little big." He laughed and nodded.

            "Just a little." She watched him put her clothes in the dryer. She looked down at herself again and smiled. His police sweats.

            "I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly. He turned to look at her.

            "You don't have to apologize," he replied. She shook her head.

            "Yes, I do." She looked at him, then looked away quickly. "I at least have to explain. See, when you left, I didn't know what happened to you, where you went, or why, or anything. All I knew is that you were gone without me. I lost you. And it hurt." He sighed, but she continued. "And then ten years later, I find out I just moved to the same city you did, and I couldn't bear to face you. There were so many things I wanted to say." She paused, seeming to try to contain herself. 

            "So say them," he said gently. She shook her head, all words stopped. "Ash?"

            "For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me." Nick's heart broke. "Like I was the reason you left. It hurt so much that I was complicating your life so much." She sniffed, and he walked to her, putting his arms around her in a soft hug. She leaned into him, but didn't hug back. "I'm so sorry for whatever I did." Nick shook his head.

            "It wasn't you, Ashley." She wrenched herself away from him.

            "Then what the hell was it?"

            "I don't know." She shook her head. "Ashley, look at me. I can't explain it. I just needed to get away." He sighed. "My whole life was spent living up to other people's expectations. I couldn't do that anymore. I had to live my life my way. Make my own choices. I couldn't do that in Texas. Not with people knowing who I was and who my family was. I had to get away and start my own life." She nodded.

            "And you couldn't tell me that."

            "I guess I could have."

            "But you didn't."

            "And I regret that, Ashley. But at the time, I felt like everyone I knew was part of the problem. I had to just get away from everything and start from scratch." She nodded slightly. "I'm so sorry I hurt you in the process." He took a breath. "And I'm sorry I never called you when I did get my life straightened out."

            "Why didn't you?" He paused.

            "I don't know." She nodded. "I was scared."

            "Of what?"

            "What you would say, how you would react." He paused again and looked away. "If you had moved on." She turned away from him and ran a hand through her wet hair. He took a step toward her and cleared his throat. "I know it isn't really any of my business, but…"

            "No," she said quickly. His head lowered.

            "I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know it's hard to believe, but I would have understood if you had. All I wanted was your happiness." She didn't reply. "Ashley, I'm so sorry." She turned slowly, tears streaming down her cheeks.

            "Me too." He shook his head and walked to her, reaching out to wipe the tears from her cheek. 

            "You have nothing to be sorry about." She leaned into him, and they stood there for a moment, just holding each other.

            "God, I missed you," she whispered into his shoulder. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

            "I think I missed you more." She laughed slightly and pulled away.

            "I don't know about that." He brushed a wet strand of hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear, noticing her smile fall. "But you know, it has been a long time, and I'm sure we've both changed. I mean, I know I have, and it seems like you have." He nodded with a sigh.

            "But I don't think people change that much," he said quietly. She shrugged.

            "I don't know." He looked down at her.

            "What do you say we try it out?" Her eyes met his, and a slight smile flashed across her face. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He returned the kiss, melting in the familiar feeling of her embrace. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Almost, but not quite. He pulled away, licking his lips. "Damn," he whispered. She smiled. "I missed that." She looked around the room.

            "So now what?" she asked timidly. "I mean, we can't exactly pick up where we left off." He took a breath and let it out, wanting to ask, but not sure how she'd react.

            "Tell me something." She turned to him and nodded.

            "That whole thing with Jimmy…" he trailed off, smiling and shaking his head slightly.

            "Exactly like I said. Nothing other than a kiss between two friends from my point of view. I didn't expect it, and it was over before I could do anything about it." She paused and looked at him. "You didn't really think it was that big of a deal, did you?"

            "At the time, I did," he said with a snicker. "But now I know better." She smiled and nodded. He looked at her for a while, watching her grow uncomfortable. She never could stand being watched for very long.

            "What are you staring at?" she asked slowly. He shook his head, his eyes twinkling at her.

            "You," he said slowly. She blushed, looking at him. It was that look – the one he remembered from years ago. It was the look she sent him whenever he said something that embarrassed her – paid her a compliment or anything that brought attention to her. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on in my entire life." She just stared back at him, watching his smile fall slowly as she walked toward him again and kissed him. He shifted his weight slightly. "So, uh, is Jimmy a better kisser than me?" he asked shyly. She laughed, grabbing his arm to keep from falling over.

            "You would worry about that, wouldn't you?" she managed between gasps.

            "Just tell me," he whined. She smiled and shook her head.

            "Not at all." He let out the breath he was holding. "Then again, it wasn't really much of a kiss, so I wouldn't be the expert on that." He rolled his eyes, and she smiled. "You have nothing to worry about," she said, smiling reassuringly. He nodded in satisfaction. "That was the last thing we talked about until last night, wasn't it?" He nodded with a slight grimace. "So I guess we did just pick up where we left off, then." Her face suddenly got very serious. "I never stopped loving you, Nick. I mean, I guess I'm still in love with the Nick I knew back then."

            "I'm not that much different from him," Nick said quietly, running his thumb across her cheek, watching her eyes close. "Just all grown up, I guess." Her eyes fluttered open slowly to lock with his, blue combining with brown for an instant. They stared at each other until their lips were just a fraction away from each other's, both closing as they made contact, this kiss much more passionate and desperate from the others. Ashley's fingers immediately went to the buttons on Nick's shirt, frantically working her way down to the last and pushing the garment from his shoulders into a heap on the floor. Her arms looped around his neck, holding him against her in a deep kiss, and she felt his hands slide under the t-shirt he'd given her. He felt her back arch at his touch and marveled in the softness of her skin as his hands traveled up her back, taking the t-shirt with them. He broke away to slide it over her head, and she took in his muscular chest, running her palms over his skin, down his arms. His hands settled on her neck, just below the crook of her jaw as he made swift, nipping kisses at her lips, knowing she wanted more. The tension was mounting - both knew exactly where this was heading, and both were nervous. Ashley fought against the teasing kisses Nick was torturing her with, but knew she couldn't win. Her fingers closed on the snap to his jeans, and she went to work on it, daring him to do the same and let go of his control over her. Before he realized her tactic to steal his advantage, her fingers were locked around him. He moaned against her, unwillingly letting her take control of the kiss. He slid his sweats from her hips, his hands running slowly over her body. He walked her backwards into the bedroom, their lips never breaking apart as he lowered her onto the bed, hovering just inches above her. Her hands pressed against his shoulder blades, urging him forward. They both gasped as he entered her, the sensation familiar, but still new. Both had felt the tension earlier, and both now knew it wouldn't last much longer.

***

            Nick woke slowly, groggily, a few hours later. He turned his head and saw her still lying next to him, the sheet wrapped artfully around her body, her back exposed. A small smile formed on his face as he looked at her. She was beautiful, every inch of her. He scooted his body closer to her, settling close behind her. His arm went around her, pulling her against him, and she shifted slightly as he planted a soft kiss on the back of her neck. She smiled in her sleep, pressing back against his warm body.


End file.
